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the scene

“i am okay” is the biggest lie i’ve ever told

{ k g o t s o }

Me & Boetie Dressup

the scene

two thousand and twenty three

number four exhibition

shattered heart, pieces of memories of you scattered all over, trying to put them together in regret we didn’t make enough

a series by cobi tfj bosch

"the scene" is an emotionally charged exhibition that serves as a raw and intimate exploration of loss, regret, and the devastating impact of suicide.

through a series of installations, artist Cobi tfj Bosch invites visitors to step into the deeply personal space where he received the heartbreaking phone call informing him of his brother's tragic decision.

this exhibition aims to raise awareness about mental health, particularly among men, while providing a cathartic and healing experience for the artist and viewers alike.

the morning of the news, the artist is depicted sitting on the floor, knees tucked in between the legs of the stool. at the centre of attention is the artist's mobile phone, positioned within his line of sight. the last message from his brother is displayed on the screen, capturing the poignant moment frozen in time. accompanying the phone, an empty mug is placed, revealing a gold bullet - that symbolize the disarray and turbulence of emotions.

adjacent to the installation, a pair of slippers is positioned behind the artist, reminiscent of a prayer-like stance. this placement signifies the artist's search for solace and a plea for understanding in the face of tragedy.

through this powerful installation, Cobi tfj Bosch invites visitors to empathize with the depth of his grief and reflect on the broader issue of mental health among men. by sharing his personal experience, he hopes to encourage open conversations, promote empathy, and foster an environment of support and healing.

the stool: “on knees” - seated with legs tucked beneath, i encountered a stool, its legs bearing sharp spikes, a symbol of my brother's struggles. Its glazed surface forms a maze, mirroring his tumultuous journey. in each spike and curve, i see his tenacity, an embodiment of resilience. this art honours his strength and speaks to the universal battles we face in life's intricate maze.


the mobile: “aih my Boetie” - i find myself captivated by the screen, where my brother's final message lingers. it becomes a portal to relive the painful conversation with my eldest sibling, sharing the tragic news of our brother's suicide. in this silent moment, i mourn.

mug & reeve: “religious”- beside me rests an empty mug, a relic of routine shattered by shocking news. in our home, coffee is a sacred ritual, every gathering marked by a cup. this mug, adorned with the word "god" and an encircling olive tree, now holds a golden bullet—a poignant symbol of his chosen path.

slippers & clouds: “in prayer”- behind me, at my feet, my slippers rest, akin to a prayerful pause. they bear a whimsical charm, adorned with clouds and glazed farm animals, a tribute to my brother's joyful moments. a golden landscape of fields and blue skies recalls his happiest days, etched in this simple footwear.

curtain: “grief is a messy thing my dear” - the pojagi curtain intentionally exposes its seams, left bare and unravelling, symbolising the unvarnished truth: grief is untidy and chaotic.

domes: “stages of grief” - nested domes represent emotions and stages of grief. the outermost, polished and presentable, conceals deeper, less pristine layers beneath, echoing the raw, less refined aspects of the emotional journey.

shirt: “heart on my sleeve” - this shirt's seams intentionally unravel outward, mirroring life's unexpected unravels. the chest bears a five-line poem, marking my five cries today, while the embroidered sleeve counts them off—a wearable narrative of emotions and their tangible impact.


embroidery & heart: “heavy heart” - heavy hearts, your absence weighs upon us, dear brother. a sombre darkness lingers, enveloping cherished memories of our youth. today, only these memories endure, a testament to your indelible place in our hearts.

poems: “goodbye & left same thing?" - two poems, etched in black ink on white canvas, echo our sense of loss. the stencilled text symbolizes the fading of ink, akin to the fading of all things with time. are "goodbye" and "left" interchangeable, both signifying a profound departure from what once was?

a hand rest on my shoulder

awakening thunderstorms in me

i can’t remember your voice

your eyes are green

your hair mouse brown

trembling breath

rip it out

it hurts to much

my heart

it is to heavy for my chest

to carry

slash it out

black hole

embraced by ribcage

in the hallow

i ask for

the sound of your

voice whilst playing guitar

{ k g o t s o }


grief is the

loneliest suffering

my heart has     ever encountered

{ k g o t s o }

making memories without you

is the heaviest reality.


{ k g o t s o }

your death is

sitting on my chest

pressing down

an invisible

concrete skyscraper


{ k g o t s o }

if i didn’t know the




it leaves behind

i would have closed my eyes

took your hand in mine

and jumped with you


{ k g o t s o

sitting on the chair

staring to the outside blue

the green lawn is defrosting

outside the sun shining bright yellow

looking on the inside

heavy concrete grey

tar like black dark

a silent scream of cry

overwhelming fear

of not being able to return


to whom I was before


before you cracked my heart

into a million little pieces





{ k g o t s o }

you didn’t even say


and for that

i will forever

be heartsick


{ k g o t s o }

making memories without you

is the heaviest reality


{ k g o t s o }

my heart

my heart

is getting too heavy

too heavy to carry with me

im slowly tearing at the seams

unknowingly ripping flesh from carcass

bursting out of chest frame

exploding uncontrollably









my heart

for you


{ k g o t s o }

how do i miss you without breaking


{ k g o t s o }

i know your love

can numb this unbearable pain


{ k g o t s o }

let me be

here’s to the other side

let me be

run your white lines around my body

let me be

lay your white sheet soft over my face

let me be

tie your name tag around my big toe

let me be

lay me on your sterile stainless steel table

let me be

let me



{ k g o t s o }

i love you

turned into being your

last goodbye

to me


{ k g o t s o }

this morning

cleaned my wardrobe

on a wooden hanger

blue and white blocked shirt


perfume trapped so clear

it felt like you were here

next to me


for a split second

next to me

i cried


for you


{ k g o t s o }

i cried five times today

while making a cup of coffee

in the shower, twice

at the green traffic light

whilst listening to a random song

that was only today since you left


{ k g o t s o }

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